On being Better

Self-portrait of sorts in reflection of a sculpture in a Vatican courtyard.

After waking up in a hospital after being unconscious for about a month, I began putting together what happened and the effects, I started to try to get back in touch with people , I texted a special friend with the message that it could take awhile to “get better” and her response was something to the effect of nothing stopping me from “being better”. The perspective shift was welcome at the time. I had so much hope that there wouldn’t be long before I could rejoin my life as it remained paused. It was probably about a year into recovery that it hit me that whatever “new normal” awaited me would be a full and total reboot and restart from scratch. What an opportunity to both design a new and better life! Despite the shock of realizing that most everything about my old life was gone, there was a strange optimism to starting over again with a fresh perspective. Halfway through 2019, I still find myself trying to reconcile what the new normal and next chapter holds for me. Despite my disability, I have my health. Lots of people live productive lives with disabilities more than mine, and it’s pretty likely that I will live with disability for the rest of my life. I still have a stubborn sense of hope that I will continue to see gains in my recovery and continue to gain abilities to gain independence and get back to some of the activities that are so meaningful to a life my own.

On Moonshots

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’re aware that the US is celebrating 50 years since landing a manned spacecraft on the moon to have earthlings step on to the moon’s surface and return safely to Earth . I know there are some out there that believe we didn’t actually do any of it and that it was all just an elaborate production to troll the Soviet Union to spend lots of rubles to try and keep up. It all started with what’s now regarded as a moonshot. President Kennedy, during a joint session of congress said, ‘We will put a man on the moon before the decade of the 1960s ends No one one knew how or who, or even whether it was possible. how it would be done, he just envisioned it and set a deadline, but no guideline of where to start. No

budget, just the equivalent of writing an ambitious goal on a dry erase board and asking a team to accomplish it. No one was even certain it was possible until it was done, Considering that concept, what’s your moonshot? What's written on your dry erase board?

On Looking Back

Four Years ago today. Everything about my life abruptly and completely changed. I’m grateful to have survived in spite of the odds. I’m grateful for the thoughts and prayers sent to Austin, Texas on my behalf. Every visitor, text, email, like and comment, FB msg, and decoration for my many hospital rooms was, and still is still appreciated beyond words.

Survival wasn’t a given, and I’m determined not to take life for granted. It’s been a long 4 years with a lot of hard work and some days darker than others. I’m proud of how much I’ve done in working to get back to life stronger than ever. When I was first told that it was going to be the hardest thing and indefinite time frame, I wasn’t confident in my ability to keep itup. Grit has never been my strength, But Love from family and friends kept me going when I didn’t have the grit necessary. As for an update on my health, I had an appointment with my primary care doctor earlier this week to review blood work, and everything looks good. My high blood pressure has been largely controlled with medication. I have a weekly phone call with a therapist who helps me with processing adjustments to my life. I can say it looks as though I’m in good health, which just means I can focus on continued recovery of mobility and function. A lot of people have asked how they can help or what they can pray for (Shows the quality of friends I have.) Continued healing of nerves that would allow me mobility and dexterity to be more independent. And beyond that, an ability to not get stuck looking back and beating up my psyche over woulda-coulda-shoulda woulda-coulda-shoulda. I have a lot of time on my hands between appointments and would like to use that time as productively as possible it So motivation inspiration and initiative are needed. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people over the last 4 years, people if met under different circumstances would be great friends. I’ve lost track of some close friends, though. Some since 4 years ago and others just since I came out to Oregon about 2 years ago. I continue to try to bridge the chasm between those dear friends. I could shout out every one of you who’ve made it possible to get through these 4 long years, but with one hand it might take four years to list you all.

On Luke Perry

Luke Perry passed 3/4/2019 due to complications of a massive stroke he had 4 days prior. As I approach 4 years post-stroke, I can’t help comparing the two of us. He was 52. I was 40. Both too young for a stroke. That’s about it for things Luke Perry and I had in common. I’m sure there are several reasons that the average age of people having strokes is coming down over the years. I’m not well-read enough to know why. I only have my own experience, but I’ve had lots of interactions with fellow Brain injury survivors; certainly enough to know they are all different, and that we are all different with different stories of rescue, recovery, and rehab. I emerged to feel my “new normal” about a month relieved to have survived, because it was dicey there for a while. If it weren’t for some quick thinking and acting by friends my story would have been much different Ass details come out it will be interesting to see the details and tick-tock of his story.

But honestly, I don’t know how I feel or how I’m supposed to feel. I’m certain that I’m not feeling any Survivor’s guilt. After putting together as much of my story as I may ever be able to do, I know that I was lucky, what else can I say when I beat such odds? It’s easy to say I could have it worse, because I could, but rather look back on all my regrets, I’ve learned to focus on what I can control or change; and that’s the now

https://www.instagram.com/p/BunCwtjFxRc/

I wish I were half the patient, kind-hearted, gentleman he was in Colin’s story. Being a silent and polite jet passenger, I found Colin Hanks’ anecdote inspiring and a rather inspiring ideal image of how humanity should be. It’s no wonder why so many people who interacted with him are so generous with their words of praise. It’s pretty easy to be cynical when a celebrity passes and social media blows up over it. Better to celebrate someone’s impact while they are alive and perhaps live a life that deserves praise for our impact with the life we have.